i dedicate this comic to the teacher who pulled me out of class in middle school to tell me my bra strap was showing and that i needed to get a jacket to cover it up so that i didnt distract the boys
dedicated to all teachers, school administrators, parents, dudes, dudettes, random ass strangers, politicians and dogs who think that is a woman’s duty to ensure that men aren’t ‘distracted’
I remember in middle school it was strictly against the dress code to wear “spaghetti-strap” shirts. By the time I reached high school, I guess it was out-of-fashion to wear those tops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The problem isn’t that girls are wearing shirts that might reveal a small fraction of their bra strap, it’s the guys’ problem that they’re distracted.
I always find it weird how, for graduation, most schools make the guys wear the dominate colors like red, blue, or maybe fugly maroon like at my high school, but the girls are usually always wearing white caps and gowns. Like wtf is up with that? What kind of bizarre pre-wedding graduation ceremony are you trying to portray? Girls wear white because it depicts them as pure?! I don’t get it.It should just be one color!
Going to see X-Men: Days of Future Past this weekend? The Amazing Spiderman 2? Have fun!
Nowadays I think going out to the movies is soooo overrated. Maybe it’s because I don’t go out much or I don’t have anybody to go with. Either way, going to the movies just doesn’t sound as fun as it used to be. Here are six fun-packed activites that I would rather be doing:
1. Wine and a Movie
In my opinion, what could be better than a cozy sofa, a bowl of your favorite snacks, and a nice cold glass of wine (or maybe you like yours warm—I don’t know) and a movie, or two? The best part is, you can have as much wine as you want! Can’t do that at Cinemark, now can you? It’s less expensive and you don’t need anybody to join you. Not that there’s anything wrong with going to the movies by yourself! Do you!
2. Reading a Book
So maybe you’re a bookworm/speed-reader like Matilda or, like me, you would rather go at your own pace. Reading a book at home is a classic pastime for introverts. Yeah…devour that classic literature! Oh, and nothing wrong with a little wine to go with that novel. Pour it up!
3. Playing an Instrument
First of all—Yaaayyy Niall! In my spare time, I like to work on my guitar skills. I picked it up only a year ago, and still have a ways to go before I achieve what I want to achieve. Them chords ain’t gonna play themselves!
4. Going For a Stroll
Sorry—Leo stan here, I had to.Though I might not be as spirited in my step as Mr. DiCaprio, a leiurely walk is good way for me to clear my thoughts and take in my surroundings. Definitely no wine needed for this!
*Siiiggghh* Yep. I loooove chowing down. Sometimes I like cooking what I enjoy eating, other times not so much. I mean, cooking is time consuming! Maybe that’s why food is burning a hole in my pocket. I’m snacking on a pack of Oreos as I’m typing this. Listen: Oreos>Life.
This may not hold true for all introverts, but it is true for me. I will never let anyone shame me for liking to sleep. I love my sleep! Anytime I’ve been out for hours a day, I cannot wait until I can get back home and recharge. I’m not lying, I’m worse than my cell phone. School, work, you name it. Nothing tires me out more than being in a world full of busy people.
So there you have it. A succinct list, provided with the hilarious visual of gifs Buzzfeed style, of things I would choose over going to the movies with friends any day.
There aren’t too many people I can open up to about my deconversion. Mostly it is because I feel it’s not of importance unless the topic is brought up. But I typically hear everyday people mention the Christian God or Jesus; whether they are thanking him or making an exclamation, theists seem to—with much ease—make their beliefs known.
A large part of Black culture in the United States is rooted in church and Christianity. While I did not specifically grow up in church—my family and I were “in-name only Christians” which I would say accounts for many Americans today—I was the occasional Easter/Christmas/Wedding/Funeral goer, and at one point in my childhood, I was invited by a lovely Christian family to go to Vacation Bible School. Oh yes, and I would also tag along with my cousin each time I spent the weekend at her house. Those were the days. Of course I didn’t really know what Christianity was about until I reached high school. I was in ninth grade, age 14 maybe. My aunt introduced me to a Silver Ring Thing Study Bible just in time to plant seeds of abstinence and “purity” at a time when teens are definitely more curious about sex. I guess in her mind, she thought that it was a good idea, a way to introduce abstinence as an alternative which is understandable. The only problem I had with it is that it is imposing someone else’s beliefs onto another. I believe people can be abstinent for whatever reason they choose, but up until then, I never saw purity as the answer to anything. I recall having a boyfriend at the time, and when it ended, I plunged myself into my growing Christian faith, and saw purity and Jesus as a way out. This later taught me to believe that pursuing any romantic relationship—or simply dating—was bad, and should only be sought after if you had the intention of marrying the person. Pretty manipulative, don’t you agree?
Long story short: I went to college for one semester in Delaware, OH after graduating high school. It was brought to my attention that there exists a world outside of my faith, which used to offer me comfort and some protection against the world’s distractions and this supposedly active enemy roaming the earth. This opened me up to so many new experiences, so much awareness on campus kept me hungry for more knowledge. It’s funny how in just a short amount of time I was a Christian, I was conditioned to believe so much fuckery. I guess that is what happens when you get involved so young.
I reached a point where I had had enough with the routineness of going to church and not truly gaining anything from Christianity. That last sentence is a sure way to get backlash if I walked up to an evangelical Christian and said that. The phrase, “to live is Christ, to die is gain” (Phillippians 1:21) comes to mind. On this earth, your entire life—every single minute of it—is supposed to be all about Jesus Christ so that is your life and nothing else. Everything else is completely irrelevent unless it is beneficial to the Christian lifestyle. And when you die—god this is the hardest part to try to explain now that I’m not as programmed as I used to be—you are supposed to gain life again? There are so many different Christian takes on that subject, just an infinity of grandiose thelogy behind it that I don’t care to look into. The point is, self-gain, or looking for self-gratification is prohibited, it is sin. I didn’t think this was right; it wasn’t fair to what my mind, and what my body was telling me. I had so much I wanted to discover on my own.
When I tried to tell people about my leaving Christianity, it was not a pat-on-the-back experience. People wanted to challenge me, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want it to turn into an invitation to preach to me, or “bring me back” I just wanted true liberation. When people tell you that you are going to hell, or misguided, fallen, backslidden, and wrong—it hurts. It truly does hurt, because the ones who are supposed to be your friends or family, are saying that they don’t accept you in your raw, natural form. If you’re stripped from those beliefs, you get your natural-born self. It’s the truth. And apparently, Christianity is not all about that, I see. It’s about creating an identity, one of a self-righteousness and stupidity.
One of my friends who has been there since before I went to college, and before I deconverted, continues to be a beacon of hope for me when I cannot talk to people (who are mostly thesist) openly about my non-belief. He, too, deconverted from Christianity, but maintains a belief in a god, sometimes referring to himself as a deist. I don’t believe in any god, or rather I cannot prove that there isn’t one, but I leave it up to reason to say that there most likely isn’t. I guess that makes me Agnostic. Whatever it is I may call myself, I want to be able to do that without having to explain why or explaining the details of the whole process of my decision. Maybe I wouldn’t mind briefly telling my story, but nine times out of ten, I don’t feel like it. I didn’t have that freedom when I was a Christian, because there’s a certain fervor in sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to those who seem hopeless, just about to give up on life. I think that’s part of the advantage of being Christian—just plain old faith in something “larger than life”—a phenomenon so many of us want to believe in. I’ve given up on that. To me, there’s only what’s right in front of us, and it is up to humanity to decide what to do with what we have. No god can.
I digress. I’m not saying that there is anything inherently wrong with practicing faith in Christianity, so please, do not take it that way. The goal of this post and my blog is centered around me trying to find what life means to me, and why, in the past, anything else just did not work for me. I am more at peace with my mind, and my whole existence than I have ever been in my life. I understand things that I did not understand before while under Christian beliefs. And for that, I thank humanity.
Yes, I am finished with final exams and I am ready for Summer! As stated before in my last post, I have so much to blog about, and cannot wait until I get myself situated so I can begin this wonderful blogging experience. Please hold tight, because I’m about to deliver the realest (hopefully) blog you all have ever seen! I’m also hoping I can attain a bigger follower count. Thank you for being patient out there.
Hello few followers that I have so far. I haven’t really posted in a while because I’m busy with school. During the weekdays, I have classes from Monday through Thursday. By the weekend, I am just too exhausted and unmotivated to post anything. But! I will be able to get back to regular blogging time very soon; I want to say approximately in one week, and definitely after final exams! I’m doing great in all of my classes, by the way.
Good News! One of my favorite artists is coming to Cleveland this June and words cannot describe how awesome it feels. It’s really something special when your favorite artist(s) come to your city when so many events/artists skip it, like they never include it in their shows *cough* HAIM *cough cough* I mean just tour the freakin’ world—all of Europe and only have a few U.S. dates spread out across the country. But I guess the demand is higher in other countries. Granted, I think I might have some American artist entitlement issues when it comes to touring in the U.S. first. My bad.
Anyway, I’m rambling and I have homework to do. See you all soon! I’ve got so much to talk about.
P.S. Washed Out is coming to Cleveland. I forgot to mention who!
For months now, I’ve been disassociated from ongoings and familiar faces at church. In addition, I haven’t been close-knit with one of my friends since I came out and said I was no longer interested in the church. Basically, a blatant and personal choice such as leaving church is unacceptable, unheard of (in terms of leaving the fold completely) and apparently grounds for dissociation. Knowing there are people who would gladly welcome me, or anybody else for that matter, back in, I made a conscious decision not to do so. I don’t think I ever will.
Following my decision to leave Christianity, I have been faced with a few people who feel it is necessary, or even insightful, to throw bible verses at me in hopes of getting me to return to such an abusive environment. And taking into account my personal agency, I could not stand being obligated to conform to the personality of the church, nor the demands of the youth department, passing it off as Christ-likeness. There’s nothing that anybody can do or say to make me change my mind. I wholeheartedly respect and honor the lifestyle of Christianity, but I think I’m justified in believing that that same respect is not returned.
I had run-in’s with friends and family who wanted me to be the sweet, non-opposing Christian girl who carried a bible around with her in school. I am not a robot. I am a human. I grow. I change. I cannot stay the same for everyone, and that change is what leads me to believe why Christians need a figure like Jesus/God who doesn’t do what real live humans do, which is change…constantly! So, there are people who feel that I am not worthy of their company anymore, which the only thing I can do is just accept it and move on. But not speaking to someone with intent to harm or “teach them a lesson” is cruel and self-righteous. I cannot describe how unbelieveably normal and permissable this practice is, without giving a second thought to tactful communication or confrontation of an issue. It just doesn’t happen in the Christian community without someone getting horribly offended and defensive.
I was originally going to entitle this post, “…and Ostracism as a Form of Bullying” because it essentially is bullying. However, it is seen as a—twisted—act of love in seemingly Christian circles everywhere. I’ve made countless efforts to be upfront and kind about all of this, but it has taken its toll on me. I’m going to be the person—no, the adult that I want to be, and free from the Christianity that gave me a confusing and harmful illustration of the world. I’m free from that and I know what I’m experiencing is real freedom, because it’s coming from me and nothing else.
I don’t understand why Christian girls are told that if we have to pursue a guy, he’s probably not worth it.
But if a Christian guy chases me, that standard isn’t there anymore. Like what the heck?
What makes me worth it? Just because he has to chase me?
No. If I think a guy is worth it, I’m probably going to show some interest. Just because he didn’t show interest first doesn’t mean he’s a loser or less of a man!
And why does it make me more attractive that I “waited for him?” Where is my agency? My confidence? My independence?My man better like the fact that I get things done!
Geeze, I am so fed up Christian patriarchy, misogyny and purity culture.
THE LOGIC DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
I used to be unable to see it any other way. I thought I had to be with the Christian guy if he showed interest in me, and I wasn’t able to say ‘no’ or else I would miss out on “what god has planned for me.” Absolute garbage.
In Christian purity culture, it can be so easy to fetishize Sleeping Beauty-standards of dating, where men have to do the approaching and there’s something wrong with women if they say they’re not interested. Sorry, but I’m not interested nor am I comfortable with your ideas of what you think ‘God told you he had planned for you.’
"And why does it make me more attractive that I ‘waited for him?’ Where is my agency?"
This statement is absolutely true. It’s as if womens’ agency is erased in Christianity. You belong to your God, maybe your father, or some “spiritual father” and then your husband, but never do you get a say in what you want, or at least that’s what I’ve speculated. You just sit around and wait patiently for what somebody else thinks you deserve.